archive 1
Friday, October 25, 2002 11:35 p.m. 
i seriously dont fucking care if i swear in this post.. and if you're in charge of a fanlisting.. go ahead and delete me off cus i dont really care right now.. ok.. anyways.. people are always letting me down.. theres barely anyone reliable.. everybody is so fd up.. myself included.. i just want to burn.. why cant this end.. gawd.. im so frustrated.. we never have any sh!t here.. and oh they say their gonna get sh!t.. bull.. they dont do sh!t.. and if you're wondering.. yes ive been taking my meds.. gawd.. this is just so.. it hurts.. everything hurts.. being happy hurts.. breathing hurts.. living hurts.. my head is hella hurting right now.. everybody lets me down.. and u know if i could id do stuff on my own.. but i cant.. so what am i supposed to do.. well at least chris is cheering me up.. even though he doesnt know that i feel dead right now..
Thursday, October 24, 2002 10:54 p.m. 
i should've editted my last entry but.. lol i dunno.. anyways.. yeah on the boards.. im being my nice self.. back like how it was at the end of last year and the beginning.. well sorta nice lol.. my toe hurts.. that johnny guy on fm nation is cute
Wednesday, October 23, 2002 04:17 p.m. 
today has been soooooo cold... um.. i had to go to BART [the subway] cus of my sister.. she's being such a b!tch.. neways um.. during geometry.. there was tension in my group once again.. but yeah im the quiet one lol.. amy's lucky.. her group just had to answer a question not do an entire proof.. um.. in spanish.. i got candy.. senor cafasso told me he was gonna call on me before he called on me lol.. it was pretty fun.. in religion we watched a tape on slavery.. we had "mood lighting" lol.. on yeah we watched it cus it relates to exodus.. and like with the lighting.. our classroom shares a closet with one of the computer labs.. so they kept turning off and on the light in the closet and it kept changing the lights in the classroom cus plexiglass separates it.. um.. lunch proctoring only took me 2 minutes.. um.. the vending machines suck.. ive never been that pissed off on having 3 $5 bills lol.. um.. art we watched a video on mondrian.. boring... in chemistry.. we finished a video lol.. so many videos..

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in 8th grade i was voted most innocent ;p... yeah i know thats a load of bull sh!t.. but still i was voted most innocent lol
Take the Anime soundtrack Quiz
oo on AA i used ot have a lot of lain layouts
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damn it says im normal
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Monday, October 21, 2002 01:44 p.m. 
i dont have school today! yay.. ok well yeah.. last night it was the aaron concert... we ate at frankie's pizza haha.. but we didnt take a picture.. and now im hungry oh. and yeah it was crazy.. so for the last few medleys/songs.. i was getting pissed off.. cus it was so crowded in the front.. i had front row tickets with jerica and kat.. and then yeah towards the end.. i ended up third.. bull sh!t lol.. but its alright.. i always regret not really listening to the music.. i just sorta remmeber do your remember, keep believing, america ao, im all about you [hahaha that was good], baby its you, thats how i beat shaq, aaron's party, and eye of the tiger.. i forgot everything else lol
Saturday, October 19, 2002 05:33 p.m. 
tomorrow is the aaron concert!! arent you excited? lol.. im sorta... i guess?.. remind me not to eat until AFTER i ride the rides.. um.. and to disinfect stuff.. ahh! lol.. sorry i had to get that out.. yeha... im just watching baseball.. a lot of ppl i know are in anaheim watching right now.. my dad saw his customers on tv.. they were dressed in black swinging towels when bonds hit the home run.. they're like some sort of owners for the giants.. lol.. gosh.. my dad should use a hook up so we can go.. lol.. my mom went to giants dugout.. long ass line.. while i bought make up.. i buy so much make up but barely wear any.. or lose 3/4 of it.. oh well
Friday, October 18, 2002 10:30 p.m. 
woo!.. its time for a sentimental post.. but first ill recap today's activities.. today i started [ok this reminds me of barney during the recap? lol] my day off by going online.. and i watched soap operas.. did my tarjetas for spanish.. im running out of flashcards by the way.. and then i watched more soap operas.. posted on message boards.. um.. oh and ive spent half the day reading NC-17 buffy/spike fanfiction.. good stuff.. um.. interesting stuff lol... im so bored.. ok now for the "sentimental" stuff... i feel so played.. by everyone.. my family.. my friends... i feel so lonely and all alone.. and u know of course people say "you are not alone i am here for you" [oh gee i broke out on a michael jackson song.. forgive me].... and yeah u know that usual ish.. i feel so incomplete.. and my void still keeps getting bigger and bigger.. and like people think its some bad attitude.. thats only a part of it.. its cus i get hurt.. its like i lay my heart on the line and it just gets ignored.. no one cares.. its bull.. but yeah i was watching some buffy episodes and it sorta made me think about things differently.. well for awhile.. everybody is so shady.. people aren't so honest.. people change.. change for the worse.. i wish i had companionship.. i mean i have friends.. and im happy for that.. but i dont have like i dunno... its just not.. i just dont feel the vibe.. or maybe that vibe just doesn't exist.. and love.. gosh.. i wonder how it feels to be loved.. cus i sure as hell dont know.. and people read this and think im some crazy mother----er.. well sh!t i am lol... i think its time for a new anti-depressant.. ok well yeah thats today's venting session
Thursday, October 17, 2002 02:00 p.m. 
grr.. nfg was here on sunday.. grr.. i mean im not a huge-o fan.. but still.. although i wasn't in town that day lol
Wednesday, October 16, 2002 08:48 p.m. 
i feel like such a bad friend.. yesterday was christian's birthday and i forgot.. well i new it was coming up.. but i forgot it was the 15th.. and i thought today was the 14th.. ahh! im sorry christian!!!
happy belated birthday chris
i feel horrible now lol.. okay anyways.. lately ive been forgetting to take my meds and i havent been writing in my headache journal.. i need to go to longs and buy some stuff for the AC concert.. eek im excited.. ill get chris something nice for his birthday to make up for no saying happy birthday lol.. ok so yeha.. my grandma u know how she lives in a convalescent home.. well her new roommate slapped my mom twice.. and yeah.. so theres all that drama.. so a lawsuit might go down.. i think the new roommate is a kleptomaniac.. so um.. my presentation with kristy really really suck.. lol but i tried to convince him to give me a bad grade cus i didnt think i deserved it and he knew i didnt but he said "he wanted to encourage me".. seriously... i dont think i can overcome being socialphobic everytime we have a presentation.. but it was alright cus it was just me, senor cafasso, kristy, andrea, matt [i forget which one] and becca in the classroom.. and matt and becca are french students so it didnt really matter.. i forgot to watch buffy this week..
Tuesday, October 15, 2002 12:24 p.m. 
eekerz.. i feel like a traitor.. cus i think the new JR on AMC is really fine hehe.. but yeah jesse is always the best one..
5:42pm
man.. i forget now lol.. oh yeah.. i think im going back into my buffy fanaticism phase..
Monday, October 14, 2002 11:11 p.m. 
SOME people are so fuqn stupid.. i swear.. and annoying.. they just want to be like everyone else and liked... and like they try too hard to be something they're not... maybe cus they dont have any friends? eh.. this is all referring to this certain msg. board.. im not gonna name the specific board names cus i post a lot.. especially the beauty board.. props to them.. lol.. yeha you wouldnt think id post at a board like that.. but i do.. oh and i post at a britney board too... booyah haha.. ok.. so yeah i went downtown and a lot of people were wearing orange and black.. go giants! ive always hated the angels.. um.. therapy was only half an hour.. cus i had to go to my other doctor cus i was sick.. i might have hepatitis.. very slim chance.. but i have to get tested some day soon.. i hate blood tests.. i have to keep a headache journal.. so right now its 11:14pm and i have a headache lol.. yeha i have to do that.. tomorrow im getting my hair redyed.. i hope i get a different colour this time.. cus im starting to really get used to this one and believe its natural
Sunday, October 13, 2002 01:07 a.m. 
lately ive been watching my language on here.. that sux lol.. um.. yeah i feel really sad and depressed.. so nothing new.. life sux.. i have to go to rocklin tomorrow.. at least ill be there all alone while my parents go to boomtown.. i can spy on my cute neighbor or something haha.. hes such a dork.. hopefully my camera will be done charging by tomorrow morning so i can bring it.. rechargeable batteries suck.. so much school work.. its draining me.. well considering i dont have much energy 2 begin with.. aaron carter next week! yay!.. thats gonna be a natural high... i dont like how i get at concerts though.. i get really distant from my friends right before and i get all bitchy.. but when the music starts its totally different and im screaming my ass off and being a teeny bopper.. good stuff.. lol.. i wish i could see greg's band today.. too bad i live across the country.. i hope someone in his band is cute.. of course he'd be talented right? i wish i had columbus day off.. im gonna miss soooo much on NMG haha. im such a dork.. maybe i shouldnt go on there this week considering i have midterms.. but i only have one test.. im so afraid for my spanish presentation with kristy.. we havent gone yet.. and i dont have a big part.. but yeah im so freakin scared... my computer is lagging.. it reminds me of doogie howser.. nice show.. his friend was cute.. but old.. i wished i talked to more people online like i used to.. if you see me online... IM ME!!
10:04pm
i think some people on the jesse board are afraid of me lol.. i mean mainly new people.. no offense lol.. im really a nice person deep deep very deep down inside.. lol.. i stole sweet n low from IHOP.. for the AC concert when townsend come on.. charlotte n i are gonna throw sugar at them.. ive been wanting to do that since the beginning of summer lol.. but im afraid of the ugly one.. but wait... which ugly one?
Friday, October 11, 2002 02:14 p.m. 
i got a lot of mail today.. mail makes me "happy".. i was so pissed off cus my ride home was hella late.. i was hella swearing lol..
10:03 pm
christianne feels like a good person for once in her life
Thursday, October 10, 2002 09:18 p.m. 
damn it.. i made my mom cry today.. she gets so sensitive sometimes.. i guess thats where i get it from.. hm.. ok at school i cried once again lol.. i think it was during spanish also lol.. wait english.. wait spanish.. lol i forget... but yeah i was feeling so depressed and the s-------... im still really sick.. but um.. im getting my hair dyed on tuesday again.. um.. and tomorrow im buying new printer ink, um.. spikes, belts, hats, and highlighters.. i like this guy.. only andrea knows who it is though lol.. its so weird too.. he's really cool though.. he doesnt know my name though.. its probably cus i had the dream about him..
Wednesday, October 9, 2002 04:52 p.m. 
ergh.. i might be REALLY REALLY sick.. but i cant go to the doctor until monday.. my mom says i look really sick... last night i couldnt sleep cus i was coughing too much.. but today i just had a bad ass headache.. i also had an anxiety attack during spanish.. and i sorta started to cry.. but no one noticed..well they didnt say anything.. cus i was sitting on the floor against the wall.. but yeah i felt better though.. cus the most outgoing person out of all the sophomores.. told me that he gets anxiety attacks too and he made me feel better.. oh and i had one cus we have presentations.. dun dun dun.. lol.. um.. ever since i wrote my essay about me.. mr. lang [english teacher] has been seeming more like a therapist lol.. but he's cooler than my therapist.. its just.. i dunno.. different... i feel so weak right now.. i need to get my hair appointment.. so me and dre can go bowling that day.. my hair salon is across the alley from the bowling alley which is across the street from my house... fun... yesterday my love for buffy got rekindled.. well not really.. cus ive always loved the show.. but i really enjoyed yesterdays episode... i got so mad at my sister cus she was wearing my "nice" clothes without my permission... she got fat so now she has to wear my stuff... not saying that i am fat.. lol.. well yeah.. anyways.. i had another panic attack there.. i watched real world.. i want frank... i dunno theres just something about him lol.. and alton is cool..
6:16 pm
people on the nmg boards try too hard to be b----y.. its amusing... it doesn't come naturally to them lol
10:27 pm
i seriously feel like worse than sh-t right now.. ugh!.. i swear.. maybe i am manic depressive.. cus i was really "happy" and hyper earlier in the evening.. right now.. i feel so depressed... i just want everythign to end.. my head keeps spinning.. life is too overwhelming.. i have a freaking presentation tomorrow.. im gonna be shaking.. why does everything have to be so hard for me.. [yeah.. that does sound pretty selfish] but like why do people make everything look so easy.. *sigh* ill go to sleep now.. crap.. im starting to cry.. ive been crying a lot lately.. i shouldn't have linked this blog to anybody.. too late now to change it.. just hopefully if you're reading it.. don't discuss this with anyone else but me..
Tuesday, October 8, 2002 06:40 p.m. 
yesterday i fell down the stairs @ school lol.. um.. today in religion someone sorta dissed me when they were dissing someone else.. but its ok.. on degrassi.. jake epstein's character likes another guy... i find that a turn on.. i guess im sorta like those guys who get turned on by lesbians.. except im a girl who gets turned on by gay guys... i dislike the phrase "turned on" lol... i really should install the digital cable upstairs.. so i dont have to go down to watch noggin.. ok my mom said she'll get me my own.. but im gonna have noggin withdrawal.. i have a feeling im bipolar.. but i took that test.. but online tests are so easy to rig your answers.. so for now i just have depression.. and it hasnt been subsiding.. blah.. i wonder what comes after prozac in the medicine stuff
i got a new SN its benjii gc.. and u can email me at benjiigc@cs.com
Monday, October 7, 2002 06:09 p.m. 
errrr.. my mom is so prejudice.. remind me to never go to hot topic with her again..
8:02 pm
i should be studying for my spanish exam.. but i burnt my tongue.. i know... bad excuse.. lol.. so yeah i went to hot topic and obviously my mom was hella uncomfortable.. i never go with her there.. neways yeah.. she was being really rude to the employee.. and he was really nice.. ill just let my dad drop me off next time [which will be later in the week].. um.. school was alright.. senor cafasso said my [group's] ad was "excellent".. i hope that translates as an A since it took me 4 freakin hours.. um.. therapy was boring as usual.. the ride home always takes too long
Saturday, October 5, 2002 09:55 a.m. 
i just realized that my site name isn't anywhere on the site lol.. only the version name... ill fix that later or something.. my dad ditched me.. i think he didn't think i would go.. cus my old school is having a festival today.. and i guess he went early cus he's like some important church guy... im gonna miss my old friends... never mind that lol.. my dad just called and said he was gonna pick me up...
4:24 pm
i just got back... ill give the full details soon
6:45pm
i just uploaded the pix from the festival..if you wanna see email me @ neveraneasyway@cs.com... or IM me if you know my AIM.. ok so where do i begin.. ok im about to leave and i read dre's away message.. and it said she left.. so i leave.. i wasn't sure if she was going to the ha fest. or the md one.. well she went to both.. ok so when i arrive.. i think i see jc but i ignore him.. so i walk with my dad.. and my dad's like.. oh isnt that andrea.. and then yeah andrea was walking right in front of us lol.. so yeah we hung out and went to jc.. and then i saw HIM.. my old crush.. he still foine hehe.. yeah.. im over him.. and i really wanted a picture of him but i never got to take it.. cus i didnt want to go all the way up to him.. ok well the 8th grade performance was some weird stuff lol.. but they were cute.. hm.. what else.. i forget lol... i have "like i love you" in my head.. cus like these guys they performed to it.. and one of them.. i think he is a good freaker.. you know freak dancer.. yeah.. um.. sno cones are yummy.. i should just make my own.. i cant wait until the aaron carter concert [yes im an aaron carter fan.. dont hate lol.. im proud.. ].. cus i want hawaiian ice.. yum.. i remember last time at GA i kept throwing up lol and i had to wait to eat that.. oh yeah.. and then marissa and i tied balloons around a stuffed animal i won.. and we wondered if itd float away.. it did lol.. i hope it didnt cause any accidents.. but we werent the ones who let go.. so its not really our faults.. um.. i had an "accident" in front of first grade.. while we were reminiscing.. joan and jc know what im talking about lol overall it was sorta fun.. but now im doing homework and i dont have any computer paper.. i dont know where my brother put it.. i have so much homework this weekend and i have to go to work which i havent gone to in about over a month
10:24 pm
i just got my new ym and good charlotte is in it.. lol it was funny.. but just the twins
Friday, October 4, 2002 05:03 p.m. 
i just archived the old stuff.. mainly it was just quizzes... on this version ill try to limit the quiz taking.. remind me to join some of those fanlistings lol.. cus like some of their joining links dont work.. my sister keeps asking my brother if he's crazy.. i dont think its right.. cus he is.. he's mentally disabled.. but i dunno... if the fanlisting links dont work please leave me a message in my tagboard... snoop dogg was right when he said.. dont crip walk if you aint a crip..